Cancelled

Earlier today I was going to write a post called "I'm Lucky". Right now I'm feeling more like "Life Sucks And Is So Totally Unfair And I Hate Reality". Funny how your perspective can change in a matter of hours. I suppose that's what happens though when your darling dearest bails on you twice in one relatively important day, AKA the-day-before-you- leave-to-move-700-miles-away-thereby-separating-you-two-for-at-least-the-next-four-months.

Yes, thanks to the military, my sweetheart will not be keeping me company on the 11 hour drive down to Tally tomorrow, nor will he be helping me move in and seeing the new apartment and city, nor did he get to attend the Keep Your Distance film premiere tonight with me, despite having gotten all decked out to the nines for it and everything. (For those of you who have not yet made the cognitive leap, Hurricane Katrina, lots of National Guard being called down, Kentucky relatively close to affected areas, all leave being cancelled for guardsmen as they face the possibility of being called down at any moment.) Either disappointment I could be fine with, but the double whammy within a matter of hours, on top of all the stress of moving and whatnot, is borderline too much.

See, my problem is that I can't really justify being mad at my sweetie. Yes, I'm ticked as hell at the situation, but it's not really his fault. And Lord knows, I've pulled something of the like hundreds of times over on people that really care about me, so perhaps this is just reality paying me back.

Tonight I realized something though - it really sucks to be the cancelee (rather than the canceler). As canceler many times over, I generally tried to acknowledge that the cancellee didn't really care about the extenuating circumstances that required my absence, so I'd try to make it up to them by being cutsy or buying them a gift or attempting to make a meal for them or something like that. Now I realize why that only works the first hundred times. Almost as much as the circumstances don't matter, whatever you do to make it up doesn't really come close. Time and special occasions are not things you can make up for with flowers or dinner. Don't get me wrong, things that sparkle do generally make such infractions far easier to excuse, but in the long run, you can only buy/sweet talk your way out of disappointment so many times.

Le sigh.