year in review

i'm up for my year review this week (hopefully) at work. it's about a month late now, but extenuating circumstances have required such and i'm not about to make a big fuss about it. the funny thing is that while i'm not overly worried about my review (i basically know it ends with a promotion), the whole thing has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. i suppose what i am really musing over is a more because of an introspective self-review of how i've progressed professionally, socially, financially, personally, etc. over the past year with my chosen path.

With other major life decisions (namely college) it's never really been a question as i always knew u of i, without a single doubt, was absolutely the perfect fit for me. i was perfectly happy without exception. But life's not always like that and my current situation reflects this.

i came down to florida for my job and indeed, i love my job very much. so long as things to continue to flow more as less as they do now, i'd be quite content to work for the agency for a very long time (read: many years). i also very much love my happy home/ exquisite apartment. i think people greatly underestimate the importance of loving your home surroundings, but i have not which is why i practically float on air every time i walk in the door. i find true enjoyment in my simple hobbies of reading, computer nerdery, taking long walks, and doing regular crossword puzzles. i have wonderful friends and family who treat me far better than i deserve and bring daily joy to my life.

but herein, lies my despair - i am far away from my dearest friends and family, so finding real connections on a regular basis is hard and frustrating. the calls home/champaign/chicago are frequent and fulfilling, but my life is a million miles from where they are. whilst florida may not exactly be antarctica, it probably takes the same number of flights, required hassle, and advanced planning to get from tallahassee to louisville/chicago as it does to the south pole. my daily dilemma is whether or not this frustration is worth it. i miss the days of being able to walk across the street to see a good friend or to drive home for a weekend when i need to see my family. i underestimated the value of this when i moved to the backcountry of florida.

i have no resolution to this dilemma. i'm hoping something soon points me in some direction - either as a means for reminding me why i'm here or as a signal that it's time to move on. le sigh. florida sucks.